Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
