If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
