She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
