i barfeds in our rink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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