You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
