Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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