after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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