She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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