Sacagawea was the original milf.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
