I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
