Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
a search helicopter?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
