You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize