He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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