you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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