i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
