areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
