He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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