I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
