so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How external is "for external use only"?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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