can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
