I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
