My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
