I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
