I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
