I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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