also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
