He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
