Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize