Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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