he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
