did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
