i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Randomize