My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
