You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
