Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize