I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
