the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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