When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
