Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
