dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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