pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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