i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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