ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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