No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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