she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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