Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
