my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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