every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
