I'm drive I can fine osifer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
how drunk are you?
Several
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
