I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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