Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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