Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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