After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
