i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
