when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
