Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
