I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
