Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is classic penis vs brain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
