Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.

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(518): View more from New York

I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

(612): View more from Minnesota

May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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(571): View more from Virginia

you're bored at work aren't you?

(703): View more from Virginia

I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk

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(813): View more from Florida

He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

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(703): View more from Virginia

My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!

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