just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What drink are we having for lunch?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
