I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
