today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
