It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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