No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just high enough for therapy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize