So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well you can't waste a boner
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
