There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
