I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
