My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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