The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
